This Life of Mine

The fact that I haven't blogged in almost three weeks makes me very sad.  Even then, it was just a quick note that the girls hit 6 months.  I hate that my one way to keep a journal has completely taken a backseat.  Well, not even a backseat.  More like it's been thrown in the truck with all other non-immediate priorities, and forgotten about!  Of course, there is a lot to catch up on.  These little Jergler Girls of ours have been very busy the past few weeks.  We've had A LOT going on and A LOT of visitors in the month of November.
I would first like to point out that, as of this past Thursday, Scott, me and the girls are ALONE!  We have not had a night in our house of just the four of us in probably 5 months!  The first couple of nights were very strange.  I kept expecting someone to walk in the door at any moment.  We don't even know what to do with ourselves now that we can keep our bedroom doors open at night!  My brother, Kyle, left Thursday morning for his journey to Afghanistan for a year.  This event has now made me determined to be better at keeping in touch with everyone.  I want to make sure I keep in touch with Kyle a lot now that he'll be so far away, in a stressful, busy, dangerous place, but will try to keep in touch with everyone else as well.  I was very proud of myself Friday that I actually called my cousin, Krystal, for her birthday, rather than being a Facebook drone and just zapping her on there.  I know how important keeping in touch is with people who are out of town, but it seems to be extremely difficult!  By the time I get home from work, am spending all evening with the girls, and then finally get them in bed, the last thing I want to do is sit on the phone all night.  It's important though, so I'll try to be better!

I've noticed that some of my best blog posts come out of finally getting frustrated enough, or emotional enough, about something to force myself to take time out, or stay up late to write.  This is definitely my outlet and stress reliever.  It has finally hit me...being a working mother is extremely, extremely difficult!!!  Tonight I just wanted to cry with how frustrated I was.  All I ever want to do is spend time with Emily and Taylor and bond with them, but at the same time, once the evening comes, all I want is for them to go to sleep!  Once they are down for the night, that should be my most productive time.  I can get Christmas decorations up, fold laundry, update my blog, organize pictures and get projects with those done, or mostly importantly, spend much needed time with my husband (especially now that we’re alone!).  In theory, this works every night.  But, in reality…not so much.  The past few nights have been extremely difficult getting the girls to bed.  Thursday was a breeze, but ever since then, it’s been quite a struggle.  Scott is not, and he will admit this, great at getting the girls to sleep at night.  If they show any interest at all in interacting, or playing, he is right there to play and over stimulate them.  This then gives me the fun job of fighting with them to fall asleep.  I know they’re tired, but they don’t, so I have to lay with them, sometimes for half an hour crying, fidgeting, or cooing to me like there’s no way it could be time to go to sleep.  One of the downfalls of doing this is that I’m snuggled up and warm in bed, with the lights off, so I tend to fall asleep with them.  This could be as early as 8:00 and then I don’t wake up until about 12:30.  At this point, all I can do is get ready for bed and go back to sleep!  Well, there went my night!  And poor Scott has to sit downstairs by himself all evening.  Now, don’t get me wrong, this snuggling and cuddling with six month old babies is the best thing in the world!  They are so sweet cuddling, cooing to me, or stroking my face and I know this is not a permanent thing I can do, which I don’t even want to think about.  So, I must admit, that there have definitely been a few times where my best intention is to lay with them until they’re asleep, put them in their crib, and then be a free woman for the rest of the evening!  But, when they’ve eventually fallen asleep and I look at their precious little faces, I decide that is the place I am meant to be and then the falling asleep I mentioned earlier sets in.

In going back to my frustrations of last night, both girls ended up in bed by 7:30 and I was so excited to get Christmas decorations finished and all the laundry put away.  Just as I was folding my second or third piece of clothing, Taylor started to whine.  I tried to go in and pat her butt and put her back to sleep, but she was having none of it.  Long story short, Taylor stayed up until about 9:30 and Emily got up twice.  In the end, I fell asleep until 10:30 with Taylor and Emily ended up in bed with us for the remainder of the night!  My frustration comes with the fact that there is not a single thing I start that I can finish!  The Christmas boxes have been sitting out for over a week now, there are at least 3 full laundry baskets that have been sitting in our room for days, with more on the folding table in the laundry room and the dryer full, Goodwill items from the kitchen sit on the island for days, this blog gets neglected, we have hundreds of beautiful pictures that sit on the computer, and the list goes on and on!  I just get this feeling that no part of my life ever gets the best of me.  Work is such a low priority that I don’t put a lot of effort into it, my housework is never complete, the girls get a lot of my attention when I’m home, but I’m constantly hoping for them to nap or go to sleep, and Scott only gets what little is left of me by the end of the night, which usually is nothing!  Experienced Working Mothers – PLEASE tell me how you do it!!!!  I used to be such a defendant of working mothers and have stuck up for that role viciously, but now I completely see why women give up their careers for family!  I don’t believe I’m meant to be a full-time stay at home parent, Scott does a wonderful job of that, but if I could just have the balance that would make me content in all areas, I’d love to find it!

I want to end this post with some great pictures that my friend Vicki was able to capture at the beginning of November.  November 6^th, to be exact (I think!)!

 Now that I’ve gotten all that out, I feel much better!  Next up, I need to post an update of all the visitors we had during November!

Mrs. J