One Year Ago Today...

I became a Mother.  Never could I have understood the honor that title holds until it was given to me.  In the past, I hadn’t placed a lot of importance on gaining that title or obsessing over what it would be like.  Once I was pregnant, I constantly wondered and worried over what type of Mother I would be.  Would I be kind?  Would I be supportive?  Would I be strict, strong, understanding, protective, teaching?  I had worried I wouldn’t be nurturing enough, because that hasn’t necessarily been my ‘M.O.’ in the past.  Well, with animals, I’ve always been nurturing and motherly, but with another human, would that experience live up to what would be needed for this role?  On that day, one year ago, the stress of all those questions instantly vanished.  I no longer had to worry about those things, or what type of mother I would be, because I knew with all certainty, I was going to be the best Mother Emily and Taylor could ever have.  Over the past year, I have proven to myself that I am all of those things – kind, supportive, strict, strong, understanding, protective, teaching, and definitely nurturing.  I can absolutely say that I am honestly the best Mother that I think I could be and am so happy with my relationship so far with my daughters.  We live in such a modern world and I know that humans have grown so far away from being in tune with nature, but when I became a Mother, I felt more in tune with nature than I ever have in my entire life.  I’ve even spent much more time than most people in my generation in the outdoors and close to nature, but this is so different.  Natural instinct is such a beautiful thing and it’s amazing to me to see raw examples of those instincts that have been ingrained into us for centuries.  Giving birth to your child and nourishing that child from your own body is just a feeling I cannot put into words.  Becoming a Mother…WOW!

I learned what immediate and unconditional love is.  Many people have told me over the years, “You don’t know what love is until you have a child”.  I thought, what about all the millions of songs, poems, plays and movies that have been a success over the love in a romantic relationship?  What about those people who can’t live without the love of their life, or that crush, or the partner of 50 years?  That’s some pretty serious stuff, so how could all of those people not know what love is?  I certainly don’t have to ask those questions any longer!  The instant I looked at both of my daughters for the first time, I felt an amount of love and emotion that I can certainly tell you I’ve never felt before.  Yes, I love my husband, and have strong feelings for him that I hope to last a lifetime, but that love really and truly doesn’t compare to the love you have for your children.  Not only is it the most powerful and filling love for another person, but it is the most powerful and filling love for TWO people!  I’ve heard many parents wonder how they will have enough love for a second child because they love their first more than anything else in the world.  I had to find enough love for two people from the very beginning of becoming a Mother and I have to tell you that it was the easiest thing for me to ever do!  Not for a second did I think it would be hard to love both of them with every single thing that I have.

My insecurities vanished and becoming a Mother made me feel beautiful.  With the two cutest, sweetest, funniest, and most precious girls in the world loving me with all their heart, what the hell could I be insecure about???  I believe I mentioned this when I was pregnant, or a little bit after I gave birth, but I used to be SO insecure about certain parts of my body, or people not accepting or liking me.  But now?  Who the hell cares what other people think??  Wait a minute, I’m not going to sit here and make you believe that I think every single part of my body looks perfect, because that’s not true…I hate how my stomach looks and don’t think I’ll ever get to where I want it to be.  But, the difference now is that yeah, I don’t like how it looks, but you better believe that it no longer defines me in any way.  I am confident now in the way I look, the way I think, who my friends and family are, and I don’t let anyone else interfere with that.  Besides, one of the main reasons my stomach looks the way it does now is because of how HUGE it got when I was pregnant.  So, it’s a constant great reminder of the experience I was fortunate to have, growing these girls from my body.  Becoming a Mother really does do wonders for your self esteem.  I instantly have two very important little people who think I am just the greatest thing in the world and they want to be with me all the time.  No matter who has put me down, or looked at me the wrong way, throughout the day, I know that when I get home, Emily and Rosie will instantly put a smile on their faces when they see me walk in the door, and they are ready to shower me with hugs and affection.  Any insecurity you might have instantly gets washed away and thrown in the trash.  It is such a wonderful and refreshing feeling!  I also feel that I get so many more compliments now and I absolutely believe it’s because of the confidence and glowing attitude that I show to others.  Thanks, Girls, for building up my self esteem!  I promise to always make sure that I am reciprocating those actions by washing away your insecurities, always being ready with an unlimited amount of hugs and kisses, and to show you that you are beautiful just the way you are.  Ok, wait…there’s just one little insecurity I forgot to mention that I have to be honest did not go away when I became a Mother.  I STILL hate bathing suit/bikini season!!

I created a tidal wave.  When I gave birth to Emily Marie and Taylor Rose, I created a tidal wave, more like a tsunami, of love, happiness and pure joy from so many people around us.  Family members, friends, acquaintances, even co-workers shared an overwhelming amount of joy with us that our daughters were born.  How can all these other people love our children, who they’ve just met or haven’t even met yet, so quickly and openly?  It has been wonderful to see so many of those we love or know showing such an interest in our daughters because it shows me how much those people love us.  If they didn’t feel so strongly about me and Scott, they wouldn’t have as much interest and love for our children.  I really noticed this last weekend during the girls’ birthday party because so many people were so happy to be there and thanked me a few times for inviting them and letting them be a part of it.  I wanted to say “why are you thanking me??  I should be thanking you for taking the time, money, and effort to be here”!  It’s been a beautiful thing to see, knowing we have so many people behind us and supporting us. 

My husband became a father.  I know that he is loving his title just as much as I am loving mine!  For so long, it was just me and him, and all attention was put into our relationship and time together.  Now, each of us has to compete with two little girls for the other person’s love and time.  I cannot say it has been easy, but we’re getting through it and now and then take a little bit of time out for each other.  I believe that as long as each of us is strong and knows that this phase of not having time for our relationship is temporary, we will be just fine!  What an honor it is to have the most capable, most involved, most caring and protective, most loving, and most interactive father I could ever wish for my children to have, to be a reality!  I feel such a surge of pride and happiness each time I look at him interacting with them and the response on their little faces each time they see him.  It’s simply amazing…

I realized how ordinary my life is and have decided I’m ok with it.  I certainly don’t mean this to sound negative, because it’s not.  But, my whole life, I’ve always struggled with doing what everyone else does.  I did it, because I didn’t want to be an outsider or get in trouble, but internally, I was always struggling with why people have to always go with the crowd, and be Lemmings, who can’t think for themselves.  Well, I have realized that I am the epitome of Ordinary!  I live in Suburbia, I drive a minivan, I have a Labrador Retriever, I work a 9-5 job in Human Resources.  I am married with two children.  I watch Reality TV and Desperate Housewives.  I listen to Country Music and read books from the NY Times Bestsellers list.  You know what? After a year of living this minivan, suburban, life with children and a husband I started asking myself why I had such a problem with being like everyone else.  What is so wrong with being happy, content, secure, and living within our means?  I have a beautiful family to come home to each day, I have great dogs I can take for walks and enjoy runs with, and I have everything I could ever ask for.  So, one day I decided that I love Ordinary!  There is nowhere else, and no one else, I’d rather be!

Emily Marie Jergler was born.  At 12:15 p.m., this little girl made her entrance into the world and not quietly of course!  A precious bundle of 4 lbs, 15oz, 18.5 inches long and showing us that no matter how early she was, there was no way she needed any help with taking her own breaths, or anything else for that matter! 

Emily…these are the things I want to say to you about your first year of life:  That soft and cute round face with a steady and serious glare can instantly grab anyone’s attention.  You really know how to check people out and are already learning to read them, which is a great trait that you’ve gained from your Mother.  That serious glare though can very quickly turn into the most precious little elf smile!  Your smiles take over your whole face and those of all around you!  You have been full of energy from the very beginning, and the time you spent in my belly was very deceiving.  We named you Emily because you were quiet and content to stay in one place the entire time.  We thought you would be the quiet and sweet one.  Well, you definitely wanted to prove us wrong about choosing before you were here about the quiet part.  We nicknamed you ‘Pterodactyl’ because you sounded exactly like an historic flying dinosaur, with a piercing screech, which I thought injured my ear drums a couple of times.  From day one, you knew what you wanted, and you knew that you wanted it NOW!  This attitude has not changed at all, but instead of screeching an infant’s high pitch, it has turned into screams, grunts, head bobbing, throwing things, or flapping your arms!  Even when you’re screaming, I am laughing, because no matter how mad you are, you are the cutest little thing I think I’ve ever laid eyes on.  You are also a complete and utter chatterbox.  You can already have full, animated conversations with yourself and it is very amusing!  This trait is absolutely one you got from your Father.  Your perfect round face, your lack of teeth, the little wisps of hair you’ve taken so long to grow, those precious little fingers and toes, fat little arms and legs, and mini feet, have me smiling no matter how many times I look at you.  Your kisses go right along with this big, intense personality.  Open mouthed, tongue all the way out, and making sure you cover each square inch of my mouth and nose.  We had thought for a while that Rosie would be the cuddly and sweet one, but you have turned into such a sweet and affectionate little girl.  I just love when you see me and instantly give me a huge, open mouthed, gummy smile.  Then, you have to get over to me as fast as you can, to give me a hug!  And on those nights that you wake up and just can’t sleep without us, it is so wonderful to cuddle you into my arms and have you snuggle in next to me.  Sweet, sweet, lively girl…I know there will come a day where you won’t want to snuggle in bed with me, or you won’t think I’m the greatest thing in the world, or you won’t let me pick out your outfit or birthday decorations for you anymore.  But until then, I will (and have) absolutely cherish every single second of the baby Emily I am experiencing now!  I love you Baby Girl, more than you will ever, ever understand.

Me and Emily - May 13, 2011

Me and Emily - May 12, 2012

Taylor Rose Jergler was born.  At 12:16 p.m. this sweetie made her entrance into the world, and not much less quietly than her sister!  Weighing in at 5 lbs, 7 oz and 19.5 inches long, she was already showing that she needed to be with her sister, doing whatever she was doing, and they would not be separated.  So, she also made it clear that she would need no help whatsoever adjusting to being out in room air! 

Oh Rosie, Rosie, Rosie…here is what I have to say to you about your first year of life:  From the very first instant I laid eyes on you, a very soft and tender spot was formed in my heart.  I instantly knew that you were going to be a sweet, affectionate, and very sensitive being.  I just knew it!  Holding your tiny body in those first days was something that I will never forget and made me realize that anything else in the world could have happened in those moments and I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.  Nursing you was one of the most natural and emotional things I’ve ever experienced.  That bond that was built between us during those times I feel will last a lifetime.  You may have already long forgotten about it, but I will always remember that special time.  We had named you Taylor before you were born because we thought Taylor seemed like a more outgoing and energetic name than Emily and you were the one constantly rolling around and moving in my belly most of the time.  Well, just like your sister, you proved us wrong.  You were so quiet and content as an infant, unless we really tested your patience.  This quiet patience is definitely the trait you got from your Mother.  Your big, beautiful blue eyes curly blonde hair and Jergler face are definitely traits you got from your Father and his family.  But, now I know why we mixed the names up!  You constantly moving and Emily remaining still describe each of you perfectly while you’re sleeping but opposite when you’re awake!  That’s so interesting to me.  But, each of your names fit you perfectly now and I think Rosie is such an appropriate nickname for you, which wouldn’t have fit little Em. From so early on, you have always lit up as soon as you see me and know who your Momma is.  You have always made me feel so loved and wanted.  Your sweet and quiet face has melted my heart more times than I could ever count.  Your Daddy and I always say that you are going to be the sensitive girl.  You’ll be the one to try to talk Emily out of doing things.  You’ll cry and be upset when you see an animal sick or injured.  You are my little “cling monkey”.  I love that you want to hold onto me and just sit on my lap and watch the world in safety.  When you crinkle your nose and smile at me, I believe there is nothing more beautiful in the world.  I love your smile…I love your chubby legs…I love your need for me…I love when you rest your head on my chest…I love the feel of your hair…I love your hugs…I love the sounds and words you make…I love that when you first meet someone, you bury your head in my shoulder…I love when you look to me for comfort and security when you’re scared or get hurt…I love, love, love you so much.  You have grown into the most amazing, curious, interactive, affectionate, and silly girl!  I believe you will always be a Momma’s girl!  My Momma’s girl…

Me and Rosie - May 13, 2011

Me and Rosie - May 12, 2012

One year ago today, two girls and lots of promises were born…

Emily and Taylor, I love you SO big!  There are so many years that we have to look forward to together.  So many wonderful places and things to explore, so many stories and hugs to share.  So many different flavors of ice cream to try.  So many ways to boost your confidence and kiss away your fears.  When I first saw your tiny faces, I instantly made many promises I intend to keep.  I promise to always be honest with you (well, unless I’ve told you there’s something you can’t do as a teenager and you ask me if I ever did it!).  I promise to tell you ‘I Love You’ at least once every day.  I promise to be strong for you both emotionally and physically.  I promise to teach you life lessons.  I promise to show you how to be confident.  I promise to kiss you until my lips are sore.  I promise to let you give me as many hugs as your little hearts desire.  I promise to love your Daddy and show you a great example of what it’s like for two people to love and be committed to each other.  I promise to teach you how important communication is.  I promise to always listen to you without reservation.  I promise to take you exploring.  I promise to pass on my deep love for animals, the Earth and books.  I promise to never judge you.  I promise to give you good guidance, even if it involves discipline.  And, I promise to always, always show you the strong and unconditional love that I have for you and how strongly I wanted you, before you were even here.

I love you, Emily Marie and Taylor Rose.  Happy FIRST Birthday…

And of course, Happy Mother’s Day to all of those Mothers out there!  Now I know how important this day really is!  And what could be better than having my first Mother’s Day be the same day as my daughters’ first Birthday??

Mrs. J