How Do You Do It?!?

Many people ask me {either when I tell them in a conversation that I have 2.5 year old twins and a new baby or if they see me out with them} "How do you do it??"  I usually just laugh at their reaction, and then say "Oh, I don't know, I just do I guess."  But, the more I've thought about it, the more I really wonder myself.  When people ask now, I really want to ask them "What exactly is "IT"?  Is "IT" being a perfect parent and having it all together?  Is "IT" taking them to all the necessary activities for development?  Is "IT"having it all and make it look easy?  OR, is "IT" really just barely surviving this time and just looking like you are doing a decent job?  For my life, I feel like "IT" is the last suggestion!  Is there really a true definition of what this parenting thing is supposed to look like?  Or do we each just do whatever works for us and live with that?  I certainly think that's how it needs to be.  There are so many varying opinions on the right way to raise children, and many people will defend that opinion until their death, judging anyone who thinks differently.  But different things work for different people and we shouldn't judge!

How do I do it?  Well, I'll tell you!  I have been completely neglecting my husband, my house is a disaster zone, I usually forget things in about 5 seconds, I'm cleaning toilets at 10:00 at night when I have to be up at 5:00 am, I'm in an exhausted haze most of the times, and my kids only get baths maybe once a week.  How do I know that my kids aren't going to need therapy some day because every night lately I angrily rush into their bedroom 30 minutes after they've gone to bed, yelling at them to stop screaming and that I won't lay down with them again because I already did twice?  Do I keep going in their room or do I ignore them so they don't get used to me coming back?  Or how do I know if it's not going to scar them when I won't let them strap themselves into their car seats themselves because it's taking too long?  Or what about not letting them get down from the table until they finish their food?  Am I teaching them to overeat?  What about nap time?  What a nightmare!  I end up letting them frustrate me so much that they end up finally falling asleep because I've killed their mood!  What does this do to their dreams if they fall asleep upset and me angry?? So many questions for every different scenario!
I'm sure many parents have these same questions and concerns about whether or not we're doing the right thing.  How do we guarantee that we're raising children that will become functioning members of society?  I JUST DON'T KNOW!!!  Sometimes I really do feel like I'm doing things right , and my kids are amazing and happy little people, but other times, within seconds, I go into despair and don't think I can do it anymore and that I'm the most impatient and worst parent ever!  But then 5 minutes later, they do something so ridiculously cute and then we start all over again and we're perfect and happy once again!  They are seriously making me act like I'm bipolar!
Those times when I'm in despair, listening to Emily crying in the middle of the night and Matthew waking up in between to eat, I just lay there and cry!  These are the moments when I really second guess myself in wanting #4.  Yes, I said it ~ I want a fourth child!  Everyone thinks I'm completely insane to even say that, but I can feel it in my bones!  Before Matthew was born, I wasn't so sure.  Scott was already talking about #4 but I said I needed to wait until #3 was here to see what it would be like.  But, as soon as that little boy was born, I knew for sure that I need to have another one!  {And now Scott is the one that's not sure!}Why is it so crazy for people to want more than 3 kids? Everyone automatically thinks we're done because we have both girls and a boy, but why do you have to stop there?  I know can't!  Part of it is because I really love being pregnant and couldn't imagine not ever experiencing that again.  Also, it just doesn't feel right to have an odd number of children.  I know an even number will complete us!  With 3, who will ride the rides with Matthew?  Who will he bond with and tell his secrets to?  I feel that Emily and Rosie already have each other to do that with, so he needs someone too.

I know I'm constantly questioning my parenting skills and the decisions I make, but I also know how happy my kids are.  They are so loving, very friendly, they make friends easily, they are extremely joyful and affectionate a majority of the time, and they are very well behaved when we're out in public.  They also show me in many ways how much they love me, see me as a protector, and trust in me.  So, are these the signs that I'm doing the right thing?
Who knows!  But, I'll keep pushing along with what I think is the right thing to do and deal with the consequences later! :)

Mrs. J